How many of you men received a lot of hugs from your dad growing up? Can I see a show of hands? Okay, I can’t really see them, so I will have to rely on my intuition and statistics. The truth is that the majority of you did not receive enough healthy physical touch and affirmation. Most boys and girls growing up do not receive enough affection from their fathers. Why is this? I think there are multiple reasons, but for one, it just was not modeled in your parent’s generation, and it was not something that was valued enough to make it a habit or norm in families across America. I am sure there are multiple other reasons now, but I don’t need to get into that here.
I was reminded yesterday by the Holy Spirit how important it is to give each of my kid’s physical affirmation in the form of hugs, pats on the back, holding their hands, etc. I had an amazing opportunity as I was in the process of disciplining one of my kids, to practice this in a significant way that I knew would touch my boy’s heart. I asked him if it was okay if I just hugged him, and if he wanted that. He nodded his head, he was expecting something else. I saw the frustration in his face, his eyes, and his verbal expression as one of needing a reminder of how important he is to me and how much I love him. You see when we mess up or make mistakes, it is crucial to understand that God is not primarily interested in rebuking you or disciplining you. He is interested in the connection, or reconnection. He wants the relationship restored, the relationship intact. He doesn’t want anything to get in the way of love. He is a jealous God in all the right ways. He knows what true intimacy is between the Creator and the created ones. He longs for this with us.
I began to embrace my son and just held onto him for several minutes while at the same time speaking words of affirmation and encouragement over his heart. I wanted him to hear and feel how much he means to me, what I think about him, and feel for him. He needed to know that dad really delighted in him, and enjoys him, even when he messes up or makes a mistake. This is absolutely critical to a young boy’s heart. It literally changed the course of the whole morning and his love tank got refilled.
How many of you need to experience this from your earthly fathers? How many of you need to experience it from your Heavenly Father? We all do! Some more than others, but we all need to know that we are loved and affirmed and cherished all the time. I want you to know that today, you matter a lot.
